Broken

I am scared that I wont be able to love. or perhaps the right word, is to commit. I’ve learned in psychology that there are some stages of maturity, and if its gone wrong there is no way to go back and fix it. Or is there?

I am tired of feeling scared, or afraid. I am tired of being tired.

Day by day I feel like reality slipping through my hands, into some other world. I mean, I wake up, and sometimes I don’t really know what really happened, and what was just a dream. I feel trapped in between many different world.

Seriously even if someone does fall in love with me, I wont be able to hold that person, because hey… there are way better people out there.

Confusion, here! that’s the word. I am confused of who I am and what I am doing. I been acting like a normal human being, but I am not. Even writing it here, I am too scared to admit it to my self. and others. I feel like I am alone. and I know it’s not right thing to say when you do have some people around. But they don’t know anything. They see this image of my self that I’ve created, fooled them with who I am, and sadly enough I fooled myself. I am tired.

I keep saying I am tired, and scared, but then I don’t do anything to change it. Maybe I’ve got too comfortable with that? I don’t know.

The world seems real and at the same time it’s just a foolish theater play, and not even the best one.

I want; no,  I need, to disappear for a while. Ugh, I wish I was some sort of super hero, who could just fly. I would spend sometime sitting on the mountain, sipping coffee. Perhaps a Starbucks. Hah, can you imagine, flying in the sky with a Starbucks coffee in your hand. Sounds pretty awesome. But hey, world would be so much easier. It’s easy to be different when you have some special abilities, then you can justify being different. But hey, how can you justify being a human, and acting like you a super hero?